Delirium
by JustMakeLeftTurns
Summary: Sam can't take it anymore. He considers saying yes to Lucifer. Warning: attempted suicide


**This is my first attempt to write a Supernatural fanfiction. I apologize if anyone is OOC. I appreciate constructive criticism.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.**

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"Come on, Sammy. It's not going to work. You know this."

Sam cut deeper into his wrists, still not enough to kill him, but deeper than what was safe. He wanted Lucifer gone. He wanted it all to be over. He wanted Lucifer to stop speaking to him, stop laughing at him, stop dictating his life. Was it even his life anymore?

"Just a little deeper, Sammy," Lucifer mocked. "You can try all you want. It's not going to work."

Desperate, Sam pressed the knife even further. Blood dripped out of his wrists and onto his jeans and floor. Logically, he knew this was stupid. Not only was he attempting to kill himself, but he was attempting to kill himself _for the fifth time in three days_. He'd tried shooting himself in the head, hanging himself, poisoning himself, and suffocating himself. Lucifer brought him back every time.

He just wanted it all to be over.

"Sam?"

He froze. That wasn't Lucifer. That was Dean. But what if it wasn't? What if it was another trick? How could he find out? Sam didn't care anymore. He proceeded to cut his wrist, only for the knife to be grabbed out of his hand. Dean pressed a towel to his wrist, muttering about how stupid he was.

"Stop," Sam croaked, tears building up.

"Sammy …" Dean looked at him, concern and anger on his face.

Sam shook his head. "I can't die, Dean …" At this realization, a look of horror and anguish covered his face. He looked over at Dean. "Damn it, I can't die! I just want to end it all, and I've tried _so many times_, but he … he keeps bringing me back!"

Dean's jaw clenched and his eyes darkened. "How many times …?" he growled.

Sam's gaze turned to the floor he was sitting on. "Dean …"

"Damn it, Sam, how many times?" Dean shouted, pressing harder on Sam's wrist.

Sam closed his eyes. "Five, including this one."

Dean released air through his nose. "Son of a bitch."

Sam leaned back against the bathtub. "I just want him to leave me alone."

"He's not real, Sam. He's back in the cage."

But Sam didn't seem to hear him. "Maybe … maybe I should just say yes, get it over with, make him stop!" Excited by this notion – perhaps because of the blood loss – Sam stood up, ripping his wrist away from Dean. Luckily, he'd stopped bleeding. "Yes, that's what I'll do. I mean, it's got to be better than _this_!"

Dean stood up abruptly. "Whoa there, Sammy. Let's talk about this."

Sam took a step back, shaking his head. "No. No, I'm done talking. I'm done fighting." Then, more to himself than to Dean, "This is the only way. He'll leave me alone."

Dean watched his younger brother, scared of what his brother was saying. His eyes widened at the words Sam was saying. He covered up him worry with a glare. "He'll be _using your body_. How is that 'leaving you alone'?" he snapped.

Sam, wide-eyed and a bit delirious, retorted angrily, "You don't understand, Dean! He's always there, saying things. I don't even know what's real half of the time!"

"That doesn't mean you should just give up!"

"Yes, Sammy, don't give up," Lucifer mocked. He pouted. "Just say yes and I promise to leave you alone."

Sam looked to the corner where Lucifer stood. Dean, seeing his brother's stare at the empty spot, took a step closer. "Hey, Sam, eyes on me," he ordered. When Sam didn't comply, Dean forced himself in the line of Sam's gaze.

"Aw, looks like big brother is scared," Lucifer said. "Whatcha gonna do about it, Sammy?"

"Shut up!" Sam shouted, startling Dean.

Quickly recovering, he said, "Sam, there's no one here except us. He's not real."

"You know how to get me to stop bothering you," Lucifer grinned, a glint in his eye. He studied his fingernails. "All you have to do is say the word."

Sam's body shook in fear and overexertion. He licked his lips. He fought against the tears. "Lucifer …" he murmured hoarsely.

"Sammy! Sam, no!" Dean shouted, trying to snap him out of it.

But Sam only had eyes for Lucifer.


End file.
